In Love With Blindfolds On
I gave the best of myself to someone who didn’t have anything to lose. I didn’t know how to avoid my lover’s toxic and abusive flames. My lover’s twisted words were like a maze inside of my head that I couldn’t escape. Sadly, my lover’s actions hypnotized my thoughts and paralyzed my thinking. I learned the hard way that love isn’t leaning in for a kiss, and a fist meets you halfway. Love isn’t being a punching bag because someone decided they wanted to beat on you today. Love isn’t saying I love you just because someone wants to keep you to themselves. Love is not a curse-filled with darkness and controlled by fear. Love is not being afraid to walk into the unknown, not knowing if you will be alive the next day. Love isn’t being told you are not worth living, or you are not loved. Love isn’t a manipulator who grins as it thinks it has power over your thoughts and your life. Love is not losing yourself in the process, and when you look at yourself in the mirror, you cannot recognize who you are. Love isn’t the bruises on your face or the scars on your back that you try to cover up. Love doesn’t steal your joy or your soul to get the satisfaction of seeing you vulnerable. Love doesn’t expose your weaknesses for everyone to see. I lost control. I was suffocating and drowning. I questioned myself, Ryder, what did you do to deserve this? Why didn’t you leave when you saw the first red flag? I tried to be there for my lover, but I learned it is impossible to fix the broken pieces when the glass has shattered. There will always be pieces that are not repairable. However, I kept going right back to the person who I needed to walk away from. I was afraid, and I wasn’t brave enough to wake up from this nightmare! I made the choice to suffer when life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Will I find the courage to know my worth and know that I deserve better than the distasteful lies that are whispered in my ears? Will I have the strength to fight my insecurities? Will, I set myself free, or will I let my love be the death of me?
About Charlena E. Jackson (Atlanta, Georgia Author)
Charlena E. Jackson, M.S., M.H.A. is a professor at a university in Georgia. She is a prolific writer and has published several books, among them, being: If I Lose Myself, I’ll Lose It All, In Love with Blindfolds On, The Stars Choose Our Lovers, No Cross, No Crown: Trust God Through the Battle (1st & 2nd edition), Teachers Just Don’t Understand Bullying Hurts (1st & 2nd edition), I’m Speaking Up but You’re Not Listening (1st & 2nd edition), A Woman’s Love is Never Good Enough (1st & 2nd edition), Dear Fathers of the Fatherless Children, Dying on the Inside and Suffocating on the Outside, and Unapologetic for My Flaws and All (1st and 2nd edition). Her positive, dedicated, and determined attitude has encouraged many people to put up a good fight for justice and to be treated with respect. She is currently working on her Ph.D. in Healthcare Administration. Charlena is a much-loved inspirational speaker. She loves to read, roller skate, cycle, write, and travel.